Procedure for coming home intoxicated

[fai_dust]

1. Fish out keys and unlock door
2. As quietly as possible, enter
3. (as though 2 negligible), tell dogs to be quiet
4. Put any take-away away & drpo purse on kitchen table
5. Once dogs silent, take my dog out back to pee
---5(a) Encourage/coax/bribe my puppy onto the damn grass (because he's afraid of the dark)
---5(b)Once 10 min. up, go inside (with dog) regardless of his actions
6. Text friend [who I was out with] that I am home safely
7. Take sleeping pills
8. Get glass of water (and leftovers if desired)
9. Get into bed & make req'd "I am intoxicated" DW (& LJ cross-)post

+ my mother's dog decided she needed to go outside, too, but wouldn't leave the damn porch until after Danny (my dog) and I went inside.

PS(1); please ignore the spelling, both to my f-list (in this post) and to conser (in the case of the 'home safe' text)
PS(2); other shit to follow at least 8h later (given 5h is my gen buffer time b/t posts & I hope to get to sleep in 1-2 hours)
.....PS(2)[a]; with a "Melissa Ethridge is awesome post I wrote a while ago
..........PS(2)[a](i); unless it ends up being a bitch-fest about my mother having from yesterday (Good Friday) until Thrusday off, because she does and she's always insanely stress-crazy when she's taken vacation time.
PS(3); Lifesaver sherbert is fucking sweet, and as conser can tell you, if I'm bitching about it, it's likely just diabetes incarnate